courtcat: (Shadow)
( Mar. 15th, 2010 09:39 am)
So, I hate losing internet friends.  Losing friends in general pretty much sucks, but in physical life there's generally some sort of closure - an argument, someone moving away, different priorities that drive people further and further apart.  Things change, people change.  Online it's harder (or so I think); a person is there one day and gone the next as often as not, and sometimes you never find out what happened to that person.  Sometimes it's as simple of a growing apart as it is in real life, but that's rarer in my experience - people fade.  They disappear.  Things in their own real lives eat them alive.  And then those of us who are still around are left wondering.  This is not always the case, of course, but of the internet friends I've lost (which have been many, and in a sad turn of events, may well be more friends than I've ever had in my day to day, face to face life), the majority have been by this slipping away.  And it's bothering me now because it's happened again, if with more closure than usually happens.  And I'm sad.

I still wonder about various people I've known on the internet who've wandered into and out of my life.

And then I feel pathetic when I realize that all the people I'm closest with, the people I open up to, are people online.  Or people from summer camp when I was a kid, but that's a whole different story.

In other news (since this is a whine-and-complain blogging), Morgen lost her school binder at some point over the weekend.  It's somewhere in the house, but since the house is trashed, goodness only knows where that somewhere is.  And it's occurred to me that a big part of the reason I can't get the girls to do even simple picking up after themselves when I ask is because they both watch Jerry either say sure, he'll do what I ask and then not do it, or just ignore what I ask him to do entirely.  Which is shitty, because then I realize I was probably a lot the same way for my mom when I was a kid.  "Daddy doesn't have to do what you ask, why should I?  Clearly, it's not important."  And I have no patience for fucking up with school stuff, even this young; I was a fuck up when it came to school, and look what/where it got me, three beautiful and brilliant children not withstanding.  Anyway, Morgen's blazingly smart, but man, I don't know if it's a lack of common sense or what.  It kills me sometimes, and today was one of those times.  Is one of those times, I guess.  And I'm not sure if taking away the extra stuff she does until she figures out the school thing is the way to fix it or if that's just taking away her outlet and relaxation time.  Goodness knows, I didn't have much of either when I was little, and now I don't even know how to deal with it on the rare and odd time it comes my way.  But at the same time, Girl Scouts is a treat.  I don't know that she should have it when she's not keeping it together for the important stuff . . . but I'm the leader, so I'm screwed for the rest of the year at least anyway, even if I do pull my kid out.  Which means she'd be sitting in the hallway doing homework or something while I'm leading a meeting, so . . . I don't even know.

Today's making me want to pull my hair out.  Can I have a do over?

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