courtcat: (Cure)
( Jul. 2nd, 2009 09:46 pm)
I have a lot to be thankful about, I really do - I want to make it clear that I know that.  Life is not a perfect thing and the world is not a perfect place, nor would I want things to be so, but man!  I'm tired of the money situation.  And I feel bad complaining about it because I know a lot of people are in worse situations - some that I know personally, even - but I never imagined we'd still be playing catch up this long after Jerry went back to work.  I need new glasses.  Jerry needs new glasses.  Morgen needs her eyes checked and will probably need new glasses before school.  And then there are school supplies and clothes, bills, rent, and that's before considering what needs to be spent on things for the new baby.

This is how I know the baby'll be born soon, by the way (well, that and knowing the due date is five weeks away) - this sort of freak out always happens when there's only a few weeks left.  Soon, I'll be cleaning frantically and insisting everything be JUST SO OR ELSE, and a few days after that we'll be in the hospital.  Knowing that on an academic level doesn't lessen the problem on an emotional level any though.

Anyway, I can't articulate how tired I am of not having enough for the things we need, let alone the things we want.  I asked for things when we had more money (and let me tell you, getting garnished for old debts is a huge bite in the ass), from people that I have to pay for said things.  One of those things is taken care of, but there are lots more - and most are not important at all, just little perfume luxuries, but I want them.  And the entertainment involved lasts longer than it would with a DVD, at least, and at a comparable price, so it's a win situation, right?  So I justify it, anyway.  That, and some of it isn't really for me, but for someone who's done a lot for me without knowing it (and is currently having an even worse go of it) and thus I like the idea of sending her something tangible in return.  (Aside from the part where I just like giving gifts.  I can't really help it.  My Switch Witch is going to be spoiled terribly, too, along with another friend who knows it, just not when.  And I'm not telling!  Haha.)

But enough complaining.  I'm in good health and though my blood pressure is high the first time it's taken at every visit, it goes right back down which is far better than this point in either previous pregnancy.  Also, no blood sugar issues other than the one time when I had to deal with all the crap testing (I'm not going to like it when that goes back to normal, the blood sugar I mean - I swear, I have more problems with that when I'm not pregnant).  Just a strong heartbeat and a lot of movement and an estimate that this baby is at least half a pound bigger than either of my girls was at birth already, though I'm assured that there were similar estimates at similar times with each of them, so who knows?

The house is a mess and my mother-in-law's cleaning lady is coming tomorrow; I feel bad that we have her ever considering how small our place is, but man it's a help that I wouldn't have otherwise.  Jerry and the kids just make more mess, and I get frustrated and give up on it all far too quickly.  I really want my own house that I can set up how I want it, with storage and everything.  And pretty colors and art on the walls and . . . and . . .  My mom's always disappointed in me for wanting that sort of thing, but I ignore it as well as I can.  I mean, we all want something and really, that's not a bad want.

Park madness is relatively painless this year - either I'm getting into the swing of things or I'm better at the whole Grosse Pointe Mom (tm) thing than I was now that I have two years of school (one of them spent as a Girl Scout leader, even) under my belt and all.  I've even made a couple of friends, I think, or as close to such as I ever come with people I actually have to face in real life on a regular basis.  It's so much easier (in some ways, anyway) when the relationship is comprised at least mostly of words floating across a screen and the occasional note or package sent hither or yon.  Sure, it's easier to get things wrong, but  I've had that sort of misunderstanding blow up in my face a lot less often than it's happened in meatspace.  And so, my best friendships remain online while the people I know in real life are just acquaintances more often than not.  Anyway!  Morgen's doing well on swim team and with her diving class, and Liana's doing well in her classes (it amuses me greatly that she's nearly three years younger than Morgen and there are still people Morgen's age in her swim class), and things are well on that front.

So, yeah, I have a lot to be thankful for and very little to complain about.  So why is it almost always the bad that sticks out so much more?  It's terribly frustrating, and I try to think positively and all that.
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