courtcat: (Quieter)
( Jul. 11th, 2010 05:54 pm)
30 days )
Day 6: Whatever Tickles Your Fancy
There was a whirlwind trip to Kalamazoo (my hometown) yesterday, during which we had lunch with my mom and her boyfriend (not that it was presented as such, oh no, we're far too high school for that), which was awkward.  I'm not really a terribly social person, I just play one well, so a lot of situations are kind of difficult.  Like, ones where I'm expected to hold conversations.  So anyway, there we were watching my mom play blatant favorites with my kids (which my in-laws do too, so I can hardly say it's unique) and trying to come up with things to say for a couple hours.  At least it was a flyby trip?  Yeah, we'll go with that.

The rest of the day was a family reunion at the park where my wedding reception (and graduation party, and . . .) was held; it was a gorgeous day for it, if awfully hot.  I saw cousins that I haven't seen in person (thank you, facebook, for all the pictures) in years, and a sister that I haven't too.  It was nice to hang out - I took lots of pictures, but not enough.  Most of the ones I ended up with are of one of my cousins (who's a decade older than I am) and her son playing with my youngest.  Oh!  And I got proselytized - some girl wanted me to save my soul by asking for Jesus' help or something.  I was dumb and didn't get it at first - thought she was just asking about churches in town, which I actually know quite a lot about, given that I was Super Youth Group Girl (tm) through junior high and high school.  I laughed a lot about that on the way home.

courtcat: (Shadow)
( Mar. 15th, 2010 09:39 am)
So, I hate losing internet friends.  Losing friends in general pretty much sucks, but in physical life there's generally some sort of closure - an argument, someone moving away, different priorities that drive people further and further apart.  Things change, people change.  Online it's harder (or so I think); a person is there one day and gone the next as often as not, and sometimes you never find out what happened to that person.  Sometimes it's as simple of a growing apart as it is in real life, but that's rarer in my experience - people fade.  They disappear.  Things in their own real lives eat them alive.  And then those of us who are still around are left wondering.  This is not always the case, of course, but of the internet friends I've lost (which have been many, and in a sad turn of events, may well be more friends than I've ever had in my day to day, face to face life), the majority have been by this slipping away.  And it's bothering me now because it's happened again, if with more closure than usually happens.  And I'm sad.

I still wonder about various people I've known on the internet who've wandered into and out of my life.

And then I feel pathetic when I realize that all the people I'm closest with, the people I open up to, are people online.  Or people from summer camp when I was a kid, but that's a whole different story.

In other news (since this is a whine-and-complain blogging), Morgen lost her school binder at some point over the weekend.  It's somewhere in the house, but since the house is trashed, goodness only knows where that somewhere is.  And it's occurred to me that a big part of the reason I can't get the girls to do even simple picking up after themselves when I ask is because they both watch Jerry either say sure, he'll do what I ask and then not do it, or just ignore what I ask him to do entirely.  Which is shitty, because then I realize I was probably a lot the same way for my mom when I was a kid.  "Daddy doesn't have to do what you ask, why should I?  Clearly, it's not important."  And I have no patience for fucking up with school stuff, even this young; I was a fuck up when it came to school, and look what/where it got me, three beautiful and brilliant children not withstanding.  Anyway, Morgen's blazingly smart, but man, I don't know if it's a lack of common sense or what.  It kills me sometimes, and today was one of those times.  Is one of those times, I guess.  And I'm not sure if taking away the extra stuff she does until she figures out the school thing is the way to fix it or if that's just taking away her outlet and relaxation time.  Goodness knows, I didn't have much of either when I was little, and now I don't even know how to deal with it on the rare and odd time it comes my way.  But at the same time, Girl Scouts is a treat.  I don't know that she should have it when she's not keeping it together for the important stuff . . . but I'm the leader, so I'm screwed for the rest of the year at least anyway, even if I do pull my kid out.  Which means she'd be sitting in the hallway doing homework or something while I'm leading a meeting, so . . . I don't even know.

Today's making me want to pull my hair out.  Can I have a do over?

courtcat: (Adventure)
( Jan. 26th, 2010 03:14 pm)
So, last Saturday I went to ConFusion with my eldest and youngest girl-children (I say as if I have any other kind of child).  We went for a couple reasons, even though it was only for the day (and only half of it at that - I'm still sad that Morgen missed KidFilk).  We went to see Cat Valente, who I think is made of awesome and win.  And Jim Hines, who is the same.  And a few friends I've made over the handful of cons I've been to since my geekitude reached this sort of enormity.  We also went because Peter S. Beagle was the author GoH, and I've loved The Last Unicorn since I was a very small child, and my small children love the movie now, though Morgen's only just old enough to start reading the book.  And because SJ Tucker was the music GoH.

Now, I was first introduced to SJ Tucker about the same time as I was introduced to Cat Valente and formally inducted into the delicious smelling cult that is BPAL.  By the same people, in fact.  I can thank Amal and Jess for many of my new-ish obsessions, I must say, which is another thing entirely!  So, anyway.  I've listened to Blessings and Girl in the Garden through some pretty rough times.  Same with reading various works of Cat's.  And RPing with Amal and Jess, for that matter, though RPing is a far older obsession than my acquaintance with either of them.  But all of that pales when I think about standing in that particular circle of people at Con.  (And of Morgen and Sheryl's kid taking to each other almost immediately.  That was pretty awesome, too.)  I'm not . . . a very open person.  This will surprise those of you who only know me online, no doubt!  I've gotten considerably worse about this as I got older.  I used to be able to walk up and join almost any conversation seamlessly, but now I stand back and watch more often than I take part.  Not so, standing there with Cat, Sooj, Sheryl, K, D, and everyone else.  I don't often feel like I'm part of things, and that was a completely different thing. Cat talks about her tribe a lot, and I figure we all have them, somewhere.  I stood there, talking and laughing, and listening to Morgen talk to Sheryl and Cat and everyone, and having Sooj talk about and make faces at the very stripey baby on my hip, and it felt amazing.  Like, I'm still aglow!  I miss experiences like that; I need to surround myself with people who are conducive to producing them more often.

It was awesome watching Morgen in the space talk with the science GoH and having both kids let me sit through a couple of panels that had nothing to do with music, even.  This ConFusion may have been my best con yet, and I really kind of can't wait to bring kids to PenguiCon even though there isn't dedicated children's programing there.  We didn't take much advantage of it at ConFusion, anyway, and if Morgen's in kid stuff the whole time, it'll be harder for her to pimp Fairyland the way she wants to!

In other news, Jerry finally has a job again.  He started yesterday and it's only a short-term contract, but it's better than nothing.  Finding a job anywhere is just about impossible right now, I know!  But this seems to be especially true in the metro Detroit area, where everything is tied to the auto industry and companies are going out of business left and right.  I don't know how long it'll last, but it's nice to breathe a bit easier for a little while, at least.

Brownies is going well - I can't believe it's almost February already.  I remember doing fundraisers for things like that when I was in school - not just cookies, but other stuff.  Though I think it was in junior high, so I guess it wouldn't have been Girl Scouts any more.  Music had long since eaten my life by then.  Um . . . I don't think there's anything else that interesting that's been going on, not that most of this is to anyone but me.  So, I'll stop writing now and come up with something better to write next time!

courtcat: (Ship)
( Sep. 18th, 2009 10:44 am)
I'm all kinds of stressed out.  My house is a mess and never gets any cleaner (well, neater - it's clean enough, but man, we have too much shit and it's everywhere) no matter what I do (having three children under the age of ten [though one's only two months old] and a husband who rarely helps unless it's to make more mess does that, I suppose).  School's back in session for Morgen, so there's all the stuff that goes with that - Brownies, DI, volunteering, this function, that fundraiser, etc.  I'm buried up to my chest and it's getting hard to breath.  =\
courtcat: (Tithe)
( Sep. 14th, 2009 09:52 pm)
..... )
In other news, I still don't have a witchee (or a witch, as far as I know) or mentee.  This is making me sad - I need the distraction.  I'll have to get that from the crafty stuff I'm working on, I guess.  Someone, pass me a chew toy or three!

And, look!

Gratuitous kid pics.  Enjoy!
( Sep. 8th, 2009 09:25 am)
So, today was the day.

Morgen went back to school, and started second grade in the 2/3 split, which is the advanced class.  In this class, there are six girls, four of them in third grade, and twelve boys - I'm not sure of the ratio there, but I know for sure three of them are in second like Morgen.  She's not very happy about this two boys to one girl thing, which is funny, because most of the time she'd rather hang out with boys than girls.

I was frustrated because I had to use her camera, which is my old camera, and so I only took two pictures.  Stupid camera is a piece of shit, but here they are - first, Morgen and one of her best friends, and another girl who's friends with the best friend and was in Morgen's kindergarten class.  I would like to state for the record that my daughter, the strawberry blonde, looks JUST LIKE ME when I was that age, except my hair was OMGRED.

No, I'm not going to put these behind a cut.

Next, Morgen and the other second grade girl in her class - this girl is adorable and was home schooled last year though she was in kindergarten with the blonde in the middle of the picture above.  She was seriously bawling when everyone first went inside, but she calmed down and seemed pretty happy when I asked her to be in a picture with Morgen.  She's one of a set of triplets, the other two of which are boys and also in the 2/3 split with her and Morgen.

Why yes, that is my daughter being a very Hufflepuff-y Gryffindor; some little boy, one of the third graders, had just said something snotty and pushed the other girl out of his way.  Morgen punched him in the kidney (not very hard, she's only seven) when no one was looking and then tried to make this little girl feel better.  I know I shouldn't encourage violence, and I do my best not to, but I'm amazingly proud that she'll look out for other people like that, especially when I know for a fact (have seen it happen, in fact) that she'll take no end of shit on her own account and not say a word.

courtcat: (ADD)
( Aug. 7th, 2009 10:43 am)
For those of you who don't know yet, Kaelinn Irene was born on 30th July; she's home and we're all healthy and well, though migraines/headaches are back in force now that I'm not pregnant any more. I wonder why it happens that way? Even with the blood pressure issues, I've never gotten headaches/migraines when preggers the way I do when I'm not, which doesn't make sense since my blood pressure is usually at the low end of normal, at least the bottom number.  Ah well, I suppose it'll all work itself out.  And in the meantime, I now have three beautiful little girls.  And a mess of a house to clean by myself despite the husband who's off of work for two weeks to 'help' with things, but that's neither here nor there and I'm not in the mood to complain about it right now.

Park madness is done!  Or, well, it will be in an hour, and I'm home missing the last day of it because the baby decided she needed to eat when it was time to go - yay babies and their timing, only not really because I kind of wanted to go today.  Ah, well.  When the kids are done, they and Jerry will come pick me up and it's off to pay rent and grocery shop, because that's about all we can afford this paycheck, given lots of other things.  Ugh.  (I will be getting the three bottles of perfume I've been dying for, I think, though I'm currently too broke to join in on the decant circle I reference below.  Alas!  But there will be no other luxuries during this two week span because Morgen needs new glasses for school and we need to eat and . . . well, I already mentioned rent.)  I can't tell you how terribly tired I am of having to pick and choose . . . but then I feel like an asshole when I think about it, because at least I get to pick and choose.  It's not like there's no fun and nice things anywhere - it's just that I can't have all the ones I want, all the time.  And being the gratification - both instant and otherwise - junkie I am, it kills me.  At least this way we'll have a bit of money for PPD on Saturday.

Next week I have a Girl Scout training thing - I'm supposed to have two, but I've only gotten confirmation about one of them and I have to skip out of the second one and go next month anyway partly because of baby and partly because of Jerry's scheduling issues.  We're missing out on his cousin's (Morgen's godfather's) kid's birthday party that afternoon too, for the same reason, and never mind that I want to strangle him for it.  Not because I'm particularly keen on going to the party or the training, mind, but because he knew these other things were going on, let me plan for them, and then said, "Oh yeah, by the way . . ."  It's not that I need everything to be planned within an inch of its life - I don't really, and I kind of hate it when things are that rigid and structured.  But when everything's overridden because of whatever takes his fancy at a given time, it pisses me off.  And sure, the kids and I could go to the party and get a ride home with the sister-in-law or the parents-in-law, but that would really suck, and only works if they aren't all going out together in the first place since seats are limited even in minivans.

I'm going to make blueberry muffins this afternoon, I've decided, only I don't have any regular sized muffin tins so they'll have to be those little bite sized things like the vegan chai muffins I made a while ago.  Which is okay.  I may get the stuff to make banana nut muffins too - I'm in a muffin-y sort of mood, apparently.  I don't even want to make cookies, just muffins.  It's odd but I want to bake and so I will.  Maybe I'll even post pictures and recipes and such when I'm done; I am a part of the Bake Bake Bake community on LJ, after all.  Ooh, and chocolate chip muffins, since I have the stuff.  I may have to comb my cupboards and see what I've got as well as combing the intarwebz for recipes.

Oh!  One of the errands to run today is to go to the post office and send my switch witch her package.  I can't wait!  I was going to bake something to put in it too, but the box is already stuffed to the gills and I don't feel like finding another, bigger one.  It will have to go as is, and I hope she likes it!

BPAL Update of Doom and my thoughts thereon. )
Not really, anyway.  I need to find more mood/subject specific icons that don't have to do with the majority of the population being stupid.  I'm a bit misanthropic, I guess.

I can haz a plan - I've been putting together things for a gift box for a friend for ages, was mostly just waiting for the afghan (that she knows about, but the rest is sooper seekrit, shh!) to be finished, but now I have a new idea.  Heh.  She's still getting most of the other stuff I planned for her, though some of it will go into the Switch Witch Box of Doom that's started growing since I took part in a shotgun round over at the BPAL forums.  I have new ideas for things to put in her box because . . . well, because.  Everyone needs cool presents that they're lusting after every now and then.  And the idea of sending her this box when she's gifted me with quite a bit pleases me greatly.  Now to ask my mom if she ever finished the afghan . . . because I'm not talented that way at all, despite my efforts and wishes.  (Though I'm seriously considering making/buying a drop spindle and investing in an instruction book and learning to spin.  I do so love textile, tactile things.)

In other news, the Gregory/workshop-piece is mostly self indulgent and, while I do love writing him in all his guises (and goodness knows, there are a few), it's likely going to stay that way.  I'll still write him, but it's not a real project, per se, and will be sporadic.  I have a new idea, though, and am researching for the possibility of starting it . . . I don't know, maybe this summer sitting at the park while the kids are in various classes/lessons.  If and when this idea turns from bud to blossom, bits will be posted as I progress.  I'm counting on people here to read and what not, and let me know what they think as they go because like everyone, I'm silly and insecure and need reassurance that I'm at least headed in the right direction.  Input is always a good, welcome thing.

Baby stuff: nothing's new.  Still don't know if it's a boy or a girl though names are picked out and what not - still need to get a lot of stuff.  And clean the house, particularly our room since that's the only place we have for the baby to sleep currently and we need to get the crib in there.  Or rather I need to do it (all but the actually putting things together part) because goodness knows if I wait to have help or for someone else to do it, it will just keep getting worse.  Like it always does.  Hell, even getting it done in the first place isn't a guarantee that it won't, not by any stretch of the imagination.  Needless to say, this leads to a lot of frustration and irritation right now.  Anyway!  So far as anyone can tell, the baby and I are both healthy and well.  I'd imagine (or can hope, at least) that this labor and delivery will go much the same way the other two did - which is to say about six hours after contractions start in earnest (and about a half an hour after I start pushing), there'll be a new baby.  Yay for born breeders?

Less than two weeks of school left for Morgen, then a summer of swim team and diving classes and likely private swim lessons with one of the lifeguards, while Liana just has swim classes and then private lessons later in the summer, when the classes are done.  She's only four, so I doubt she'll be heartbroken or anything - goodness knows, both of them love just being at the park.  As do I , mostly, but man it gets old - talking to the same people, doing the same things, etc.  It's as bad as going to work at an office job, really, and goodness knows I hated that.  I will persevere, though, as I have every year since Morgen was Liana's age - despite lack of reliable way to get to and from the park (yep, as for years, no car despite the constant Big Plans to see to such) other than a bike which is fine when one isn't seven months pregnant, but not so much otherwise.  We'll see what we see, I suppose.

A little more than a month before Half Blood Prince!  Yay!  I think I'll focus on that to chase away the blahs.
( May. 16th, 2009 08:01 am)
.....sometimes, I really do wish I had a death ray. It's only 8am, you see, which is actually fairly late in my world - but my sleep was fitful all night, and then at about five, was disrupted entirely by a hyperactive four year old who doesn't know the difference between indoor and outdoor voices. Said hyperactive four year old wanted to snuggle, right? Which is fine. At nap time. When she's tired. Not at 5am when she's just woken up and is full of ideas and "OMG MOMMY LET'S PLAY" and all I want to do is find a position in which my back, knee or both aren't killing me so I can go back to sleep. So, yeah, not a happy morning, at least thus far, although the smell of cooking bacon is doing wonders to help with that.

I've decided that I'm going to try a salsa garden this summer - I kill plants as a general rule, but I'm hoping that's only if they're inside my house. If I buy little plants, put them in the ground outside, feed them and water them they'll grow, right? We have a basil plant that Morgen got from Daisies this year, so that's a start. I'll need a few more of those, some cilantro, bunches of tomatoes, different kinds of peppers and so forth. I might look up how hard it is to grow onions in Michigan too, just because it would be cool to have most of the stuff in my salsa come from my back yard. We're going to start this project either next weekend or in two weeks, I think - or maybe Sunday if Jerry isn't too busy helping his pal move (again). There's a store close by that has really cheap herbs and veggies right now, plant-wise - or, well, probably not all that cheap, but buy two get one free certainly helps.

Today's the Ann Arbor book fair, so we'll be off for that in a few hours; I have to go to the knitting store to get the rest of my switch witch's present (and possibly some stuff for myself, depending) so I can send it out either today or Monday, and we have to get my nephew's birthday present (which we'll probably do at the book fair, honestly, and grab an outfit at Target or something on our way back to be late for the party). I put in the BPAL order last night, so there's happiness there, too!

Oh, and I forgot to say after the whole drama about it, no gestational diabetes, yay! No overly high blood pressure yet either, so that's another bonus.

There's less than a month of school left for Morgen and she's already done with Daisies for the year - it's hard to believe that next year she'll be a Brownie, in the advanced class and so forth. And this summer, she'll spend a lot of time swimming, diving and playing tennis - park madness isn't so far off, gods help us all. I wonder if I'll really have a car by then and if not, how it'll work as long bike rides aren't exactly recommended for pregnant women, particularly not in the third trimester. It's not like our little family is the one that the in-laws drop everything for. Anyway, it'll be interesting!

My 30th birthday is coming up and I'm feeling more blah about it every day. Jerry's going to be out of town at least Friday night and until the wee hours of Sunday morning which pretty much destroys the chances of doing anything for it. I wanted to have a decent sized party-picnic thing at the park, during which people could swim if they wanted, there would be lots of food, music would play and so forth, but it seems that's not going to work out. I guess it'll go like the rest of my birthdays, which is to say it'll go like pretty much any other day, only with a lot of people calling to say happy birthday.  It would be even cooler with a right of passage thing like [personal profile] catvalente talked about having for both her birthday and her boy's, but . . . well.  I live in WASPy suburbs, and blood rites are hard to come by, here.  Ah, well - these things happen, I suppose.  And maybe there'll still be a big picnic-thing in the park, it just won't happen around my birthday, I guess.  Le sigh.  And yes, I know I sound like a spoiled brat, but!  One only turns 30 once, after all.




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